I received a few messages after my blog post, “My Hidden Curse,” on how some couples struggle when one of them has anxiety. This blog will be about my experience with being in a relationship when you have anxiety. It is definitely not always easy but there are some ways you can make it better.  

Let me start by saying that my husband Jonathan is my hero and I don’t say that lightly. Not even counting everything he has done for me in the past. If you look at just the basic day to day life, he is still my hero. He is my buffer to the world when I have trouble coping with it. As you may have read in a previous post, I have anxiety which makes some changes very hard on me. Physically and emotionally. Even small changes. Jonathan helps me by putting the reins back in my hands. He is very good about knowing when I can breathe my way through something and knowing when to let me go.

It hasn’t always been so easy. Honestly, at first he didn’t even believe that anxiety was possible. It wasn’t something he had ever had to deal with so to him, he couldn’t see how I could possibly have such major issues over things he considered to be day to day stuff. It took a while, a lot of talks and a lot of him seeing what changes affected me and how they affected me for him to really get to the point we are at now.

It helps to discuss with your partner what really sets you off. What is it specifically that throws you into a panic attack? Is it the house being a mess? Is it taking an unplanned trip to the grocery store? Is it something that he/she says that bothers you? Helping to avoid the triggers will help to avoid an issue.

My husband very much wants me to go with him when he wants to go somewhere. It doesn’t matter where it is, he generally wants me to go.  One of my triggers is unexpected trips (even if it is just going into town). Some days I am totally fine with it. Other days, that could send me into a panic attack. Jonathan has had to adjust to the fact that I can’t always go with him. At first, I am sure he thought I just didn’t want to go but after several conversations he has learned that some days, I just can’t.

I have found that it helps us the most for me to give him a heads up on the days I am struggling. Or on the times when I just need a few minutes of chill time so I can reset. It has really helped us to avoid issues when I communicate what my needs are.  Otherwise he won’t know because anxiety isn’t something you can always see.

It is going to take a lot of time. A lot of talking. A lot of showing your partner how much they mean to you. A lot of patience and understanding on their part. Trying over and over and over again. But eventually, it will all fall into place. You will still have your fights of course. That is part of any relationship. But you both can learn how to manage them better and even how to prevent a lot of them from starting. Anxiety sucks, but it doesn’t have to control everything.