Special Announcement

I have a special announcement to make today and I am EXTREMELY excited about it!!

I have decided to add newborn photography to my list of services. It is not something I have done much of. And honestly, I could have done better on the ones that I did but at the time, I really didn't have the information I have now. However, I have had two mommas approach me and request that I take their newborns first photos. I can't say no to that because I know that it is something I could do if I set my mind to it.

So here I am. Setting my mind to it! I have been working to improve my newborn session eye so I can be better than what I have been in the past. I have already ordered some new props and I am in the discussion phase with Jonathan on getting me a little studio. We are hopefully only a few months away from that. Until then, I will likely be traveling or setting up in my home. I am so unbelievably excited and I cannot wait to get started!!

First session coming soon!!

I have a website now! Check it out at http://camoandlacephotography.zenfolio.com/ 

Wonder Mom

My daughter has recently decided that waking up at all hours of the night is fun. It is not fun for mama. I swear I am feeling like a zombie these days. The word mombie comes to mind. It doesn’t matter how tired you are, as a mom you still have to get up and get your crap done. Get dressed, take care of critters, get child ready for school, take her to school, go to work, pick child up from school, get home, take care of critters, clean up the house, cook, give your child a bath, feed child, put child to bed and by then forget it, I am done. Some days it is all that plus photo sessions or edits. Some days I cheat and I skip something. My favorite thing to skip is cooking (thank you Stouffers and leftovers lol) Long story short, I am extra tired these last few weeks.

There are some moms I see that I swear, they legit have their shit together. I don’t. They feed their kids these great meals for breakfast and dinner. They are super healthy meals too. They make sock bunnies for the school’s Easter party and each child gets their own pumpkin full of goodies at Halloween. Hell, some mornings, I bribe my child with a lollipop so I can get her dressed and ready for school without having to fight with her. Those days make me feel like I am winning at the Wonder Mom thing until I remember most moms feed their kids bananas or something for breakfast plus still get their kid ready and nice looking for school.

The Bad Moms movie felt like a story about my life. There are so many perfection expectations for moms and it really isn’t possible. You run yourself into the ground enough when you are either working full time or staying home with the kids full time. But we are expected to do both now. While I think that is irritating that we are expected to do both these days, that isn’t my real issue.

The real issue is, I want to do it all. I want to have a job that I love and a part time job I love more on the side. I want date nights with my husband or even relaxing nights, whatever. I want to take care of my child and play with her. I want to have a clean house, dinner made and happy pets too. I want all these things and I want to be good at them all. It isn’t easy but it has been pretty great even though I am thoroughly exhausted.

But if that isn’t enough, how about we add another baby to the mix?

Senior Session

To those of you who keep up with my blog but not my Facebook page, it may look like I only ever take pictures of my niece. I will say she is definitely keeping me busy right now. We have already taken pictures of her last game, her college signing and prom. We have done one senior session but of course my child needs more pictures so we will have more sessions. Then we have awards ceremonies, graduation and honestly whatever else she wants to do because she is my brat. Eventually, I will do a blog catch up on my previously shot sessions from the last two months but for today- it is all about my girl….

Since Kynna has such a busy schedule, we had to do a last minute session to get pictures done for her graduation invitations. I am pretty good under pressure so no worries with that. I was able to get her first session done Monday after work. Tuesday, I edited pictures and by Wednesday, I had sent everything off to the invitation printing company. The invitation proofs came back today and holy crap they are gorgeous. I can't wait to pick them up!

And here I go crying again because it is another step forward for her. I keep wondering when did my baby grow up? I remember how I felt when I found out her mom was pregnant. I remember the little faces she made as a toddler. How she tried to pick my braces off when I first got them and how she would laugh for every little thing I did. 

It is just crazy how fast time flies. 18 years in the blink of an eye and my baby is going off to college soon. I am getting old lol.

I will be totally honest here. Sometimes I annoy my husband on purpose because it is fun. Sometimes I can’t help but laugh when he is throwing his man tantrum because I “hid” his stuff when really, I just cleaned it because he didn’t and then I forgot where I put it when I cleaned it. It happens to everyone, right?

Now, I am sure we have a typical marriage. He doesn’t want any animals, so I of course am working on building up a farm.  I am currently trying to convince him how important it is for us to get goats, pigs, chickens and cows. So far, he is still saying no. I have high hopes though. He didn’t want me to get two of our dogs from the shelter, but I did and he built me a fence for them so maybe one day soon, I will show up with a trailer full of critters and see what he does lol. Mostly I am joking Jonathan if you are reading this. You already know how I am...

All kidding aside, my husband has taught me how to be strong when I was at my weakest. He has supported me in every single thing I have wanted to do. He tries very hard to make me happy even if he doesn’t like it because that is who he is. He would make me happy at the expense of his own happiness. There are not very many people out there that are that selfless. I am so lucky to be married to him.

I feel like we have the kind of relationship that I have always wanted. I have a man that I like to say, “worships the ground I walk on.” If you asked him, he would probably deny it for fear of losing his man card but hey, it is true lol. All I have to do is look at what he would be willing to do for me if I asked him. What he has done for me when I’ve asked. And how much I can see he loves me.

We are both very lucky to have each other. We look to each other for support and guidance. We rely on each other's strength when we feel weak. We have been through some hard times and come out stronger. And that is the point isn't it? You get tested and you come out stronger, smarter, hell even happier sometimes. It is all in how you look to each other for what you need, support each other and love each other. 

This was his face when I brought Cheyenne home LOL

I received a few messages after my blog post, “My Hidden Curse,” on how some couples struggle when one of them has anxiety. This blog will be about my experience with being in a relationship when you have anxiety. It is definitely not always easy but there are some ways you can make it better.  

Let me start by saying that my husband Jonathan is my hero and I don’t say that lightly. Not even counting everything he has done for me in the past. If you look at just the basic day to day life, he is still my hero. He is my buffer to the world when I have trouble coping with it. As you may have read in a previous post, I have anxiety which makes some changes very hard on me. Physically and emotionally. Even small changes. Jonathan helps me by putting the reins back in my hands. He is very good about knowing when I can breathe my way through something and knowing when to let me go.

It hasn’t always been so easy. Honestly, at first he didn’t even believe that anxiety was possible. It wasn’t something he had ever had to deal with so to him, he couldn’t see how I could possibly have such major issues over things he considered to be day to day stuff. It took a while, a lot of talks and a lot of him seeing what changes affected me and how they affected me for him to really get to the point we are at now.

It helps to discuss with your partner what really sets you off. What is it specifically that throws you into a panic attack? Is it the house being a mess? Is it taking an unplanned trip to the grocery store? Is it something that he/she says that bothers you? Helping to avoid the triggers will help to avoid an issue.

My husband very much wants me to go with him when he wants to go somewhere. It doesn’t matter where it is, he generally wants me to go.  One of my triggers is unexpected trips (even if it is just going into town). Some days I am totally fine with it. Other days, that could send me into a panic attack. Jonathan has had to adjust to the fact that I can’t always go with him. At first, I am sure he thought I just didn’t want to go but after several conversations he has learned that some days, I just can’t.

I have found that it helps us the most for me to give him a heads up on the days I am struggling. Or on the times when I just need a few minutes of chill time so I can reset. It has really helped us to avoid issues when I communicate what my needs are.  Otherwise he won’t know because anxiety isn’t something you can always see.

It is going to take a lot of time. A lot of talking. A lot of showing your partner how much they mean to you. A lot of patience and understanding on their part. Trying over and over and over again. But eventually, it will all fall into place. You will still have your fights of course. That is part of any relationship. But you both can learn how to manage them better and even how to prevent a lot of them from starting. Anxiety sucks, but it doesn’t have to control everything.

Mommy, where do babies come from?

Mommy, where do babies come from?

Let me start by saying, I knew this was coming. I knew it was coming but I really didn’t prepare myself and I am pretty sure I have given my kid the wrong answer. Or at least a very weird one.

Over the last few months, Dakota has been saying she wants a baby brother or sister. Her cousins all have siblings and honestly I think she is the only one on both sides of the family who doesn’t have a sibling. Also and a big part of this, her teacher is pregnant. Thanks Christine for giving her ideas LOL! So momma having a baby has been on her mind and she has made sure I knew it.

This morning, she asked the big question: “Mommy, where do babies come from?” Let’s be honest, I froze and panicked a little so I said the first thing that came to my mind. Which is never a good thing. I said, “Mommy and daddy make a baby with their love.” She said a little confused, “with their love?” And I said, “Yes with their love. Then the baby grows like a flower inside of mommies tummy.” That is where I messed up. I knew it right after I said it. She said, “Like a flower?....” She thinks on it for a few minutes and then says, “Mommy and daddy make a baby with their love and then mommy cooks it like a flower in her belly!!” Well, at this point what can I do? I can’t say just kidding or that’s not really how it works so I just cringe and nod along. Wishing that I would of taken just a little bit longer to prepare myself or maybe say something that made a little more sense. It is too late now. I have to carry this on for the rest of her life. Or at least until she knows I don’t cook baby flowers in my stomach. Who knows how long that will take. 

I have never once thought of growing a flower in my stomach so where on earth did that come from?? I almost feel like I channeled my inner 1970s vibe with my flower love child explanation. I can just see Dakota going to people when I get pregnant telling them that I am growing a baby flower. And I am going to have to explain to those people that I probably shouldn't have been the one to answer her when she asked where babies come from but that we are going to name her Summer Rainbow. Lord have mercy lol.

Happy Monday Bonus Post - Prom 2018

Hello Prom Season! I am sure you all have seen a ton of posts for everyone flocking to prom in the last few weeks. My niece had her senior prom over the weekend and I have to say, she was absolutely gorgeous and so was her date.

I did feel a pang of sadness as her and her date left for prom. She took another step into her future, a step that took her just a little bit more out of her high school days. Another step closer to all the big changes coming her way. Even now, I feel a little sad for what is changing but she is so happy. You can see it all over her face now and I absolutely love it! 

Here are a few of my favorite shots from their photo session Saturday J

Check out the rest of their beautiful session and see their video on my Facebook page: https://m.facebook.com/camolacebaby/ 

I woke up this morning and this post was on my mind. This post is from when I first started blogging several years ago. My husband and I are very different but we have a common goal for our marriage to be strong. In order to do that, we have to be able to really communicate. Honestly, it is more me than him because I am a complicated creature. I have feelings on top of feelings for everything. He thinks, feels and processes things on a much easier level than I do. Learning how we both think and really understanding what the other person wants/needs has made a huge difference. 

Here is the previously posted blog :) 

Last week, a reader emailed me stating that she was mad at her husband because he didn't help her around the house. I think a lot of women face this problem but the solution could be as simple as asking for help. 

Most men do not think like we do. It is a scientific fact. Their brains run on a completely different operating system. A man will not walk by a sink of dirty dishes and say, “Hmmm… let me wash those.” No he will walk right on by said dishes and continue about his regularly scheduled broadcast. Most likely, that is anything that doesn’t include washing those dishes. He doesn’t think like you, nor is he a mind reader. If you think that he can do either one of those things then your marriage ship is sunk before you ever really set sail.

As hard as it may be, as a wife, you have to realize that he will never think like you. You are a complicated creature, a lot goes on in your head. So instead of getting frustrated with him for something he can’ t help, try thinking a bit more simply.

Photo credit Whitney Koenig

I wasted a lot of time being angry with my husband because I felt he should be helping me around the house. He sees the same mess that I do right? So he should take the reigns and clean too but I realized a few things. Most people do not like to clean, I know I don't but I also don't like having a dirty house. Sometimes I have to force myself to clean. I don't like my husband being angry with me when I don't know why or being complained at because of whatever reason. I also realized he doesn't think the same way I do. Which should of been obvious, we do everything different. After realizing all of these things, I figured it was time to change tactics. I simply started to ask for his help. He helps when I ask him and that has solved our issue. Don't get crazy now, he probably still will not clean the whole house, but if you ask him to do the dishes or fold the towels to help you, odds are he will. 

Think along these terms: man who uses instructions will turn out beautiful work. A man who refuses to follow instructions for something as simple as a bookshelf will end up with a disaster on his hands. You do not come with instructions. He does not have the guide to navigate your mind. Pointed looks and being angry will get you no where if he doesn’t know why. Communicate your needs to him. Odds are he wants you to be happy and he will be happy if you are happy. He didn’t marry you to be miserable so guide him into your mutual happiness. 

My Hidden Curse

I am a happy person. I pretty much always have a smile on my face but I also carry around a huge weight that most people won’t see. I have anxiety and a touch of OCD. I find it can be difficult to get through some days that most people would consider to be business as usual. I am also very empathetic. Whether or not I have been through the same thing as a person, I can feel for them. For what they are going through.  Those things combined make me a difficult person. You may be wondering why those two things make me difficult. It is because it is hard for me to process how there are some people who cannot understand or are not open to understanding other peoples’ struggles. 

I have never really been normal. For the most part, I am ok with that. I think differently. I feel differently. I process differently. So on and so forth. I don’t care to be like everyone else but at the same time, it is hard to be different. It is hard to have the people you are closest with to not understand you at any given time. It is hard to explain to someone that you can’t go to a movie because you had your day planned already. Even if you only planned to watch TV at home. Most people do not need to map out their day in their heads. Most people do not need to be given notice for anything. I do and I hate that. I have had panic attacks because of something as silly as someone wanting to stop by my house the same day they tell me they are going to stop by. Let me tell you, that freaking sucks.

One of the absolute hardest things is not being able to shut off my mind. If I feel I did something wrong or if I feel I have been wronged, my brain does not stop. I have gone full days with a racing heart, racing mind all the while feeling nauseous. It is like my body is burning from the inside out. It is a miserable feeling. And no, it doesn’t matter if I tell myself to calm down or if someone tells me to calm down, my brain just keeps on blazing me. I imagine fake scenarios. Because I am mentally planning how a situation will go when a person responds. It is insane. It is frustrating and annoying and so many other exhausting things. But I can’t shut it off. I can’t do anything about it. That is who I am.

I am a walking, ticking time bomb waiting for the explosion.

I am trapped inside my own mind.

I am screaming to just be more normal.

Even a little bit.

I am in pain.

These are things that most people do not see. This is part of who I am. Even if I wish like hell it wasn’t. It doesn’t mean that I am not happy with my life. I am extremely blessed to be living the life I have. So many people and things that I am thankful for. But then I have those anxiety filled days. The ones that are hard and that is when I wish to be different. That is when I wish I could be better, be more, be stronger. I know I am a hard worker. I know how deeply I care for people. I know I’d do anything for those I care about. But I expect myself to be perfect. When I can’t be, I feel guilty. Anxiety is a hidden curse. A curse that you can’t run from even when you try. Yet here I am. Falling short and trying anyway. Because that’s what you do. You get up. You move on. You try again.