Veteran’s Day is one of the many days I can’t stop thinking about my Papa since he passed a few years ago. He was a hero to our whole family. Not because he served his country, but because he lived his life to serve his family. He was so full of love and laughter that it has been impossible to put his passing behind us. The day he died, he took a part of our hearts and there is nothing we can do to fill the hole he left behind.
Although I have a heavy heart, when I look back on my time with him, it was always full of laughter. He was such a character. When I was around one or two, I was eating one of those chocolate covered cherries and he told me I was eating “doo doo” so I took the candy from my mouth and wiped it all over his pants. My mom said the look on his face was priceless. To this day I refuse to eat those.
When my dad came to meet the family, Papa had him eat some peppers. They weren’t hot, he told my dad. My poor dad had tears running down his eyes and sweat all over him from how hot the peppers were and my Papa laughed for years for that prank. My dad still talks about how hot those peppers were.
He also was a cusser. Likely where I get my sailor mouth from. He would swear a blue streak while my grandma didn’t cuss for anything. One day though he really made her mad and she said, “Well shit EJ!” and he looked at her stunned and said, “Well you don’t have to cuss me!” That is one of my favorite stories to hear about them.
It is ridiculous how much I miss him. When my grandmother passed away we were ready for it. We knew it was coming and even though it was hard, we had some closure. My Papa died suddenly a few months later. I say it was a broken heart. He couldn’t say I love you. Once I told him and he didn’t say anything back, so I said, “Aren’t you going to say it back?” his response, “You love my back?!” so I let that go. When I went to say goodbye, he was in a coma. I took his hand and told him how much he meant to me and that I didn’t want him to go. I told him I understood he missed my grandma, that I wanted him to tell her we loved her too and how much we would all miss him. Before I walked out of the room, I told him, “I love you,” and he squeezed my hand. I really think he heard me and that was his way of saying “I love you back.”
The day before my wedding day, I cried so much because I wanted them both there. On the day of my wedding, I felt their presence. The sun shone down in a spectacular display as I walked down the isle and I felt like they were with me. It was such a blessing to feel them there. Like no matter what has happened, how much pain we have all felt, that they are still there watching over us.
I wish he could meet my daughter and my husband. I think he would get a kick out of both of them. I wish we could have just one more day. I am thankful for the time we had with him. He was our glue. He was our laughter. He was our hero.
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