In high school, I had a lot of guy friends but I wasn’t dateable. I refused to have sex or mess around. I also didn’t -and still don’t- like to party. Guys of course, don’t like girls like that for girl friends. I worried that I would never have a boyfriend. The problem with thoughts like that, is you open yourself up to almost anyone who may be interested instead of waiting for the right person to be interested.
Then I met a guy. Unlike most guys, he didn’t seem to care that I wasn’t ready for sex and the like. He actually wanted to date me and have me as his girl friend. Looking back, I should of known right away that something was off about him. He seemed care free enough but I quickly noticed a temper hiding under his smile. We hadn’t been together a week and he already started accusing me of cheating. That moment stands out so vividly for me. I was in shock, I really liked this guy and he thought I had already cheated on him. I started to cut back and cut out friends. I was seventeen, I didn’t realize what was going on. He started lightly pushing me around. At first, I thought he was just playing rough. We got passed that point pretty quick but by then, I felt like he was all I had. I had cut out family and friends so I could make him happy. I didn’t know who to turn to. I was thrown down, picked up my hair, slammed into the wall, pinched, pushed, hit a few times, he used to grab my face and squeeze as hard as he could. I have no excuses. I am the one that stayed. I went back every time he cried and said sorry. I went back when he said he wouldn’t do it again. I let myself be controlled and manipulated.
Three years later. Yes, I stayed for three whole long years. I FINALLY found a way out. I opened up to a few people. The same ones that I had shut out for so long. I opened up and was able to get out of it and stay out of it. Getting out of it in the end turned out to be the easy part. I realized I never really loved that guy. I was throwing out the need for love like bread crumbs for the birds and happy that I had a bird show up. But why feed a pigeon when there is a peacock waiting for you?
Ladies, if you are in a relationship like that one, PLEASE wake up! This type of man will not change! Do not mistake his possessiveness for love. He does not want to love you, he wants to OWN you. You are so much more than property! You are smart, beautiful and you can accomplish the world if you want to. Do not let a man take that away from you. Learn from me, I stayed for a long time, always hoping and praying that he would change. You have to be the one to change. Do not be afraid to allow yourself to live the life you deserve. Do not be afraid to spread your wings. Seek help if you need it.
If you would like someone to talk to about your situation PLEASE feel free to email me. I know how hard it can be to reach out to people for fear of judgement and especially fear of retaliation from the man you are with. You have options and with help you can get out of the relationship. It is time to stop being controlled and being afraid. The longer you stay, the worse the abuse will get so please please please reach out for help! My email is camo.lace4@gmail.com if you would like some guidance on how to get out of a relationship like that one.
No comments:
Post a Comment