Whitney's Graduation Portraits

I have taken pictures since I was at least eight years old. I have always loved doing it. Lately that love has taken a backseat. What happened? I had my beautiful little girl who is eight months old today. I still love photography but I feel like the first year is the most important time for bonding and she has had all of these firsts that I have been blessed to be able to be there for. The last eight months have already gone by so fast without me being booked solid with photography jobs. There is still that part of me that misses it and there are exceptions to my rule. While I am not actively seeking photography gigs, I will do them by request.

I recently took my sister Whitney’s college graduation pictures. Luckily, I had my mom and other sister Blake on hand to help with Dakota. Whitney wanted a few pictures with Dakota, I even made her an outfit but she just wasn't having it that day. 

We went to the park to take pictures. It was a slow start. I have done a boudoir session since having Dakota but I felt out of practice and couldn’t find my voice to direct the shoot. Finally, I took over and we were able to get things done! Here are some of the pictures from the shoot.

Positives and Negatives of becoming a nanny

If you are a mother who needs income but wants to keep your child close, consider becoming a nanny. Like most jobs, you get both positive and negative things.

Positives:

The biggest one for me revolves around daycare. You keep your child. You don’t have to worry about how your child will be treated when you aren’t around. You also don’t have to add the expense of daycare. Let’s face it, in some cities, daycare costs as much as a months income and you end up being the one taking care of your child and missing work due to all the sicknesses your child catches at daycare. Sickness that usually ends up causing you to miss more work first to take care of the baby then because you catch it. You have the control of your child. I heard so many stories of babies being left alone, crying with a soaked diaper. Or toddlers being taught by other children to spit, bite and pinch. No thank you.

If you love children, it is a great way to be around them!

Your child has a friend to play with and if you are like me, you will love that you can be as loud, creative, fun and crazy as you want to be. Babies don’t judge like coworkers! 

Negatives:

No insurance. This is the big one for me. We (my daughter and I) had to get on my husband’s insurance and it is not cheap. 

It can be very exhausting! I went from a desk job where I sat all day to a job where I am constantly on the run, lifting babies and now I am having to chase after them. When I go home I am ready for bed! 

No retirement but you can always set the money aside that you are saving from not having to pay daycare!

The first few weeks were hard. Dakota trying to get used to sharing her mom and me trying to get used to juggling them both. A lot of times, I compare my job to having twins. After we all got into the swing of things, my job became much more enjoyable. I love my little one and I miss her when I am on vacation or even home on the weekends. Babies can take your heart like no one else can but becoming a nanny isn't for everyone.

I also had to deal with people thinking I was crazy for leaving my job. I left a job with benefits that was literally almost impossible to get fired from for a job that had no guarantees. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do for us though. You have to trust your judgement and do what you feel is right for your family. 

Abusive relationships

In high school, I had a lot of guy friends but I wasn’t dateable. I refused to have sex or mess around. I also didn’t -and still don’t- like to party. Guys of course, don’t like girls like that for girl friends. I worried that I would never have a boyfriend. The problem with thoughts like that, is you open yourself up to almost anyone who may be interested instead of waiting for the right person to be interested. 

Then I met a guy. Unlike most guys, he didn’t seem to care that I wasn’t ready for sex and the like. He actually wanted to date me and have me as his girl friend. Looking back, I should of known right away that something was off about him. He seemed care free enough but I quickly noticed a temper hiding under his smile. We hadn’t been together a week and he already started accusing me of cheating. That moment stands out so vividly for me. I was in shock, I really liked this guy and he thought I had already cheated on him. I started to cut back and cut out friends. I was seventeen, I didn’t realize what was going on. He started lightly pushing me around. At first, I thought he was just playing rough. We got passed that point pretty quick but by then, I felt like he was all I had. I had cut out family and friends so I could make him happy. I didn’t know who to turn to. I was thrown down, picked up my hair, slammed into the wall, pinched, pushed, hit a few times, he used to grab my face and squeeze as hard as he could. I have no excuses. I am the one that stayed. I went back every time he cried and said sorry. I went back when he said he wouldn’t do it again. I let myself be controlled and manipulated. 

Three years later. Yes, I stayed for three whole long years. I FINALLY found a way out. I opened up to a few people. The same ones that I had shut out for so long. I opened up and was able to get out of it and stay out of it. Getting out of it in the end turned out to be the easy part. I realized I never really loved that guy. I was throwing out the need for love like bread crumbs for the birds and happy that I had a bird show up. But why feed a pigeon when there is a peacock waiting for you? 

Ladies, if you are in a relationship like that one, PLEASE wake up! This type of man will not change! Do not mistake his possessiveness for love. He does not want to love you, he wants to OWN you. You are so much more than property! You are smart, beautiful and you can accomplish the world if you want to. Do not let a man take that away from you. Learn from me, I stayed for a long time, always hoping and praying that he would change. You have to be the one to change. Do not be afraid to allow yourself to live the life you deserve. Do not be afraid to spread your wings. Seek help if you need it.

If you would like someone to talk to about your situation PLEASE feel free to email me. I know how hard it can be to reach out to people for fear of judgement and especially fear of retaliation from the man you are with. You have options and with help you can get out of the relationship. It is time to stop being controlled and being afraid. The longer you stay, the worse the abuse will get so please please please reach out for help! My email is camo.lace4@gmail.com if you would like some guidance on how to get out of a relationship like that one.

Keep your baby and your income!

I knew before having my daughter, that I did not want to leave her to go back to work. That feeling intensified once she was born. I loved her too much to leave her. Unfortunately, we needed my income. I ran through a lot of options that all fell through. I thought maybe I could work for Apple, they have a lot of in home jobs but the only ones available were for call center positions. I knew I couldn’t take care of her while being on the phone constantly. I also looked into medical coding but based on what I found, it didn’t seem like a very stable job. Then I thought of an in home daycare. It would of been fine but with my location, daycare didn’t cost as much as a bigger city. I would of had to keep three full time and two part time in order to supplement my income. Even then, I wouldn’t be close to what I was previously bringing home. It just wasn’t worth it.

With time running out, I discovered Care.com. I was going to try to become a nanny. Surely I could find a family that would allow me to bring my daughter to work with me. In my head, I saw a family with a little girl close to my own daughters age. Planning activities would be easy with them so close in age. Plus they would have each other to play with. I ended up having to go back to work for a little over a month and I applied to maybe fifty nanny jobs. Several did not want my daughter with me, a lot didn’t respond, I had a few interviews and things just didn’t seem to fit. I won't say that I didn't get discouraged because I really did. I had just about given up and for some reason, I said I will apply for ONE more job and if it doesn't work out then I wasn't meant to stay with Dakota. That last job ended up being the job for me. I finally had found the family I was searching for! Their little girl is one month younger than mine and the girls are adorable together. I get to keep my daughter, my income and I also get to keep another adorable little girl. My job isn’t always easy but it is always worth it.

Out of respect for the family I work for, I will not be posting any pictures of their daughter. This picture is one I took of Dakota for her six month photo shoot. 

A Simple Solution to Husband Frustration

Last week, a reader emailed me stating that she was mad at her husband because he didn't help her around the house. I think a lot of women face this problem but the solution could be as simple as asking for help. 

Most men do not think like we do. It is a scientific fact. Their brains run on a completely different operating system. A man will not walk by a sink of dirty dishes and say, “Hmmm… let me wash those.” No he will walk right on by said dishes and continue about his regularly scheduled broadcast. Most likely, that is anything that doesn’t include washing those dishes. He doesn’t think like you, nor is he a mind reader. If you think that he can do either one of those things then your marriage ship is sunk before you ever really set sail.

As hard as it may be, as a wife, you have to realize that he will never think like you. You are a complicated creature, a lot goes on in your head. So instead of getting frustrated with him for something he can’ t help, try thinking a bit more simply.

Photo credit Whitney Koenig

I wasted a lot of time being angry with my husband because I felt he should be helping me around the house. He sees the same mess that I do right? So he should take the reigns and clean too but I realized a few things. Most people do not like to clean, I know I don't but I also don't like having a dirty house. Sometimes I have to force myself to clean. I don't like my husband being angry with me when I don't know why or being complained at because of whatever reason. I also realized he doesn't think the same way I do. Which should of been obvious, we do everything different. After realizing all of these things, I figured it was time to change tactics. I simply started to ask for his help. He helps when I ask him and that has solved our issue. Don't get crazy now, he probably still will not clean the whole house, but if you ask him to do the dishes or fold the towels to help you, odds are he will. 

Think along these terms: man who uses instructions will turn out beautiful work. A man who refuses to follow instructions for something as simple as a bookshelf will end up with a disaster on his hands. You do not come with instructions. He does not have the guide to navigate your mind. Pointed looks and being angry will get you no where if he doesn’t know why. Communicate your needs to him. Odds are he wants you to be happy and he will be happy if you are happy. He didn’t marry you to be miserable so guide him into your mutual happiness. 

My Papa, The Veteran, Our hero

Veteran’s Day is one of the many days I can’t stop thinking about my Papa since he passed a few years ago. He was a hero to our whole family. Not because he served his country, but because he lived his life to serve his family. He was so full of love and laughter that it has been impossible to put his passing behind us. The day he died, he took a part of our hearts and there is nothing we can do to fill the hole he left behind. 

Although I have a heavy heart, when I look back on my time with him, it was always full of laughter. He was such a character. When I was around one or two, I was eating one of those chocolate covered cherries and he told me I was eating “doo doo” so I took the candy from my mouth and wiped it all over his pants. My mom said the look on his face was priceless. To this day I refuse to eat those.

When my dad came to meet the family, Papa had him eat some peppers. They weren’t hot, he told my dad. My poor dad had tears running down his eyes and sweat all over him from how hot the peppers were and my Papa laughed for years for that prank. My dad still talks about how hot those peppers were. 

He also was a cusser. Likely where I get my sailor mouth from. He would swear a blue streak while my grandma didn’t cuss for anything. One day though he really made her mad and she said, “Well shit EJ!” and he looked at her stunned and said, “Well you don’t have to cuss me!” That is one of my favorite stories to hear about them. 

It is ridiculous how much I miss him. When my grandmother passed away we were ready for it. We knew it was coming and even though it was hard, we had some closure. My Papa died suddenly a few months later. I say it was a broken heart. He couldn’t say I love you. Once I told him and he didn’t say anything back, so I said, “Aren’t you going to say it back?” his response, “You love my back?!” so I let that go. When I went to say goodbye, he was in a coma. I took his hand and told him how much he meant to me and that I didn’t want him to go. I told him I understood he missed my grandma, that I wanted him to tell her we loved her too and how much we would all miss him. Before I walked out of the room, I told him, “I love you,” and he squeezed my hand. I really think he heard me and that was his way of saying “I love you back.” 

The day before my wedding day, I cried so much because I wanted them both there. On the day of my wedding, I felt their presence. The sun shone down in a spectacular display as I walked down the isle and I felt like they were with me. It was such a blessing to feel them there. Like no matter what has happened, how much pain we have all felt, that they are still there watching over us.

I wish he could meet my daughter and my husband. I think he would get a kick out of both of them. I wish we could have just one more day. I am thankful for the time we had with him. He was our glue. He was our laughter. He was our hero.

Build up a mom instead of tearing her down

As mothers, we should build each other up, not tear each other down. Today in church, I had to take Dakota into the “cry room” which is a wonderful place for parents to sit with their little ones that in some way may be disturbing the congregation. They want to play, they are tired and fussy, whatever. I walked in and saw a mom who I had seen before but hadn’t actually met. She introduced herself and her little one. She told me that she had three children total and also told me how she had fallen in the cry room last Sunday while holding her baby and how embarrassed she had been. I was talking to the little one, calling her the name the mom had said and after a few minutes the mom asked if she had told me that was the daughters’ name. I said yes and she responded with, “Oh my God, that is my two year olds name! You must think I am a terrible mother! First I tell you how I fell with the baby, then I tell you the wrong name!” I laughed it off and told her not to worry, I really didn’t think anything of it. I really admired her. She has three children, she looked great. Even if the weight of the world was on her shoulders, she carried herself amazingly. 

I honestly could of used that kindness from someone else. Being a mom is tough in itself. Being a mom with a full time job, plus a husband, plus family to visit, plus cooking and cleaning and still stuff piled on top of that is overwhelming to say the least. The discussion was a frozen lasagna, I LOVED them when I was pregnant and have rarely had them since but occasionally I don’t mind picking one up. I was told, “I NEVER served food like that. I ALWAYS make dinner fresh.” It really hurt my feelings the way it was said. Like I was doing something wrong for sometimes feeding my husband a frozen dinner. I am doing the absolute best I can. No, I don’t cook as much as I used to. After a month of my child not sleeping, it is all I can do to not go to bed at 7:30 with her. Is it not enough that I am damn near killing myself to do the things I am doing? Is it not enough that my weight has dropped 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy size? Is it not enough that although I do not cook every night, my husband and baby are still happy and well taken care of? They have a clean home, clean clothes, food is in their bellies even if it is not always made from scratch and on top of it all they are both extremely loved by me. I rarely ask for assistance in anything I do, maybe that mom had more help or she didn’t mind going to sleep at midnight. I don't know but even now, weeks later, that comment still hurts me. 

I wish that person had been as kind hearted as I was to the mom at church. As moms we have the power to shape the future. Let us not bring the bearers of our future down. Let us build them up for a more powerful, positive influence on this world. Lord knows, we need it!