If there is one thing about me that most people may not realize it would be the depth of my emotions. When I feel something, it is all the way. I am not talking about love it or hate it. Although, I am generally not neutral on most subjects. I am talking about feeling for people. When I feel for someone, it is strong. Almost painful because I care so much. I am one of those “I love you so much it hurts” kind of people and I mean it. So when I say that I love my niece, McKynna, I mean it with everything. This girl was my “first child.” She was the reason I wanted my own child. Maybe plural at some point. She is up on a pedestal as far as I am concerned and there is no wrong that child can do for the rest of her life that would make me feel any different. That’s a powerful love.

That all being said, this week has been a tough one for me. She is nearing the end of her senior year of high school. I did not prepare myself for the emotional rollercoaster I would go on. Now to some people, I am just an “aunt” so I probably shouldn’t care so much but for me, that is just not the case. It is not a possibility. Loving her as my own has made sure of that. I changed her diapers. I watched her discover her true passion, softball. I went to as many games as I could but now I wish I could have made it to more. There are just so many good memories that were made. Memories that I can only associate with her. Watching her pitch come back into her face. The fear I felt that she was hurt. Then the amazement as she told the umpire she was fine and wanted to keep going. The times she bunted the ball and I’d yell for the coach to just let her swing. The times she knocked the hell out of the ball. The times she made a homerun. The times the she dove for an impossible ball or caught an amazing catch. How happy she would be when she saw I made it to a game. The pride that I have felt in her ability on and off the field. The list goes on.

This week things are changing. She played her last high school softball game on Monday night and I could barely handle it. I am not really ready for this part to be over. I am not yet ready for her to be this age. I am not ready but she is. As an extra loving aunt, I have to let go. Say my prayers and let God do His thing. Tomorrow, she will officially sign for her college and I could not be more proud. Proud of her accomplishments and who she is as a person. Proud and a little sad for the end of this chapter of her life. It feels like the end of a chapter for me too. I can only imagine how I will feel when it is time for Dakota to leave the nest lol. I have spent so much time watching her on the softball field and while she will go on to play college ball, I just feel something I can’t place my finger on. Maybe it is an emptiness because she won’t be as close. Maybe it is a fear of change. Things have been the same for so long and now her going off to college will change.

It is not always easy but life is always about change. You live, you learn, you grow, you fail, you try again until you succeed. She has worked so hard to thrive in everything she does. She stands out in everything she does. College will be just another stepping stone to an amazing life she is working to create for herself. For now, we still have senior prom, senior pictures and before we know it, graduation. And I will be an overly emotional, happy/sad mess every step of the way.

McKynna, I am so very proud of you! You are sweet, funny, smart, talented and you have a heart of pure gold. I have been a truly blessed aunt for the last – almost - 18 years. I love you more than words (we all do) and I hope Dakota grows up to be just like you.